Good Friday
(My testimony given at First Christian Church on 4/18/2025)
Good morning. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Lindsey. I am a recovering alcoholic. I have said that so many times now that I find myself having to monitor myself in public places when I meet new people. Hi, I am Lindsey and I am…and I stop myself. The deli lady at Wal-Mart does not need to know this. Neither does the man at the post office. They just don’t.
And this may not be the usual message you hear on Good Friday, but I am doing this the only way I know how. Through my own personal journey. If someone had asked me to do this a year ago, I would have absolutely come up with about 100 reasons why I could not. So many excuses. For one, and the main one was because I was struggling so badly with my addiction. I couldn’t see much of anything else. Much less talk about something I didn’t really understand. I have been in some dark places as I can imagine some of you have been as well. Maybe yours isn’t related to a substance, but we have all seen our fair share of highs and very, very lows.
Warning: I jump around when I talk sometimes, so please bear with me. Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows I love a good story. But they don’t always have a middle, beginning and end. In the traditional sense. There’s a lot of, “Oh wait, this part is important..let me back up.” My granny was notorious for this. Only hers was with jokes. That woman could not tell a joke without revealing the punchline way too early and then having to backtrack and explain things. I guess I am kind of like her in that regard.
When I was in my late 20s, I took the opportunity to teach for Rend Lake College beginning in McLeansboro, Illinois. I didn’t necessarily love public speaking, but that’s exactly what the class was. Plus, it came with a paycheck. I think they call the class Speech Communication to make it less scary. But I didn’t know a lot at that time, but what I did know was I needed to find a way to connect to these high school students and help them survive the class. For the majority of you in here, the thought of speaking in pubic is probably last on your list of things you want to accomplish. I get it. So, I kept thinking, “How do I get these kids, attending night classes looking to earn this credit before entering college, open up and speak in front of an audience?”
So, I decided to try to get to know them a little bit. I asked people around Benton what they knew about McLeansboro because I knew pretty much nothing. And every single person I spoke to responded with, “They farm. They are farmers.” Ok, I thought, well, surely there’s more to these kids than that. So, my first night of class, I decided to do a little fun “getting to know you activity and ask the kids what they wanted to be when they graduated?” Responses went something like this, “A farmer. A teacher. A farmer. A professional fisherman. A farmer. Then, more and more, farmer, farmer, farmer….” So I stopped and said, ok, let’s try this. Raise your hand if you do not in fact want to be a farmer when you grow up? I think one girl raised her hand. And I jumped, “Oh, ok, great! You, what do you want to be when you graduate?” She responded, “A farmer’s wife.”
So, here I was. I found myself fully understanding that I was in a room full of farmers. And what in the heck do I do with this? Well, I told them to use what they knew. The required dress code went out the window that night. Told them to mark it off the syllabus. Come in what you feel comfortable in. Come as you are. The group hesitated… “One kid raised his hand and said in not so many words, he worked with livestock all day…can I come straight from work as I am?” Yes, yes you can. Now I am not saying that we couldn’t have used some air fresheners in that classroom from that day forward, but we powered through anyway.
I will never forget that same young man entering the classroom the following week to give his presentation on how to castrate a bull. I will spare you all the creative details he used. But by using a “Use what you know” approach with these kids, their nerves calmed a bit. Don’t try to learn something new. And that’s what I am doing today. Most of this room knows way more about good Friday and its significance than I could ever pretend to know. So, I am simply going to give a message on just that. What I know. My message is one of hope and redemption and coming back from dark places. Finding God for the first time or the 100th time. Sweet amazing grace.
I learned a lot that first year of teaching. Primarily better fishing techniques, vaccinating pigs, how to properly go mudding in your pick-up truck, and even some handed down recipes from grandparents long passed away.
When Pastor Kurt asked me to give this message today, I quickly responded, “Sure!” Then the reality set in. What do I know about the Bible? About the Word of God? About anything related to religion really? Instead of delving into the internet and trying to speak on things I don’t fully understand, I am doing what I taught those farm kids to do—use what I know. I am here to tell you about some dark places and why God’s amazing grace and the sacrifice of His son is important in my life.
I come from a long line of addicts and alcoholics. If you have lived on planet earth for any amount of time, you probably know some yourself. Maybe you have been one. Maybe someone you love has lost their battle to this disease. I am so sorry if this is the case. But you are not unique. You are also not alone.
Here is the thing about addicts…everything is happening to them. It doesn’t feel like a selfish existence when in the midst of it, but it is. There is no looking around, looking within, talking to God in a productive manner. And I say productive manner because I can pray all day long for God to fix me. To heal me. To remove my defects of character. But I had to fight. I had to help myself. I had to be willing to admit what I was doing wasn’t pleasing to God. And that’s half the battle right there.
By saying I didn’t grow up in the church, what I mean really is that I was taught there was no God. My parents not only suffered from mental illness, but they also suffered from substance abuse. These two things often go hand in hand. Poor self-image, poor choices, poor results equal there must be no God. I was taught that “We wouldn’t be living like this if there was a God. We wouldn’t be poor if there was a God. My dad wouldn’t beat my mother is there was a God.”
So, from a very young age, I was confused. Maybe my parents were right? Maybe my life should be better. Why wasn’t God stepping in with His almighty powers and fixing us? Fixing the whole situation. What it took me a long time to learn was that God can take you to great places. The sacrifice of His son gives us redemption. The ability to live a full life full of grace and peace. But when you are doing all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons, chaos is absolutely going to ensue. In one way or another. My childhood and even adulthood proves this to be true.
People always talk about the long road to recovery. It is a long one. It’s like any journey though, really. Think back to when your kids were little and you traveled anywhere. It wasn’t an easy jump in the car, wind blowing through your hair singing fun songs and eating snacks along the highway at some picturesque roadside attraction. There was planning. There were always going to be problems you encounter. A flat tire, bathroom issues, sibling rivalry, whatever the case may be. But looking back, it wouldn’t have been the same journey without those things.
The road to recovery for myself and Eli meant facing a lot of things we didn’t want to. Ugly things. Hurtful things. It meant praying and reading God’s word and talking to others about what we were experiencing. I look back on some of the things I have said and done and feel like I am watching a horror movie…you know how you peep through the cracks of your fingers so you cannot fully see what is happening on screen. For us, it has taken meeting those things head on. No magic remedy. No waving of a wand. No wishes being granted. It means trusting in God to help us do the next right thing. It means stopping and praying and reflecting. And admitting when we are wrong. We are flawed, and God knows this. He sacrificed his son so that we can be washed of those flaws. Those sins. We can live because of the sacrifices made for us. And that is the most precious thing in the world.
People think of the road to recovery as being one for the ugliest of the ugly. The most sinful. But that’s not really true. We all sin. That’s true. Maybe recovery for you means being nicer to someone who you feel doesn’t fully deserve it. Maybe recovery for you means helping someone who everyone else has given up on. Maybe recovery for you means helping yourself. That’s a big one. It is good to help others. It feels good, it’s the nice thing to do. The Godly thing to do. But the example I always go back to is the airplane crash scenario. That plane is going down, and everyone is in a panic. What do you do? You throw a life vest on your child. Help an elderly man get his oxygen mask on? The question is who are you saving and for how long? If that plane is going down, and fast, and you haven’t put your own oxygen mask on, how long are you going to be of use to others. Make sure you are ok. That is not selfish. You can do more for others if you, yourself are in a good place. Sometimes, you need to make sure you are ok before you go checking on everyone else. Get your oxygen mask on, then you can think clearly and help others.
If you are spreading the word of God and not living it or trying to live by it, what good are you to anyone else? We are called to help others. Sometimes you are the one who needs help. I was no example of the love of Christ in my darkest drinking days. Because I could talk until, I was blue in the face about the love of God, but I wasn’t living it myself. I wasn’t portraying it by any means. I was doing no good for anyone else because I wasn’t good to myself. It is ok to not be ok. It is ok to admit you need help. You can’t stay in that place. But you can visit there, but check out as soon as possible. God has given us so much. His son died on the cross and was resurrected so that we may grow and prosper and live the best life possible.
Dark times come, and dark times pass. It is what you do with those things that matter. You can become bitter and hardened. Or you can use what you know to love others and live the life you were intended to live. The life that was given to us by the ultimate sacrifice.
My name is Lindsey, and I am a grateful, recovering alcoholic. Thank you for being here today. May God bless you in all you do.