Beer and Beef
I decided to cook Italian Beef in the crockpot for tonight, and as I was gathering the ingredients at the store, something popped in my head. Just less than a year ago, I would have also been purchasing beer to cook the meat in. This is something my whole family has done forever. Argue all you want that it tastes the same cooked with water. It doesn’t. It tastes equally great but not the same. And that’s irrelevant regardless.
What it got me thinking about was how I would add what beer the recipe called for and then quickly swig the remainder before tossing the can in the trash. This is a totally normal thing for a normal person to do. No shaming here.
I am not a normal drinker. I can also say with great confidence that I could have easily cooked with beer today and NOT drank any. However, why risk it? Why hold that can in my hand? Again, for a normal, non-problematic drinker, this wouldn’t pose a problem. I have never been one of those people. And you know what scared me the most about this scenario? That out of pure reaction, instinct, muscle memory, whatever…I might have accidentally taken a sip. Would that have ended my sober journey? No, probably not. Would it have been a huge blow to my self-esteem and self-confidence? Abso-freakin-lutely.
Breaking a promise to myself and God and all the people who love me by simply taking a risk I shouldn’t have. It sounds so mundane, so silly. But for someone like me, it is a real concern. Not as in, I don’t trust myself, but as in, how easy it would have been to let my guard down and out of pure instinct taken a drink. Would I have been sent into a drunken maddening spiral? If I still had a magic 8-ball I did as a child, that little creepy triangle would probably read “Don’t count on it.”
I drink the occasional soda or energy drink (I know, I know–preach all you want, I ain’t budging on this for now). But every time I crack open a can, I almost feel guilty. It sounds like a beer can. I wasn’t even really a beer drinker. Sure, out of desperation, I might have drunk one from time to time, but it wasn’t my true “passion” so to speak. But that “cushhhhh” sound of a can reminds me of sitting around a campfire, being around others at a bbq, all the times where we problem drinkers find drinking to be appropriate (so pretty much anywhere at any time on any day of the week).
Just out of curiosity, ask yourself what your beer and beef is? One thing that accompanies or leads to another. Maybe it’s when you are around a certain group of people? I am not even implying this is a negative thing! What I am asking is “What are your if this, then that” situations? I know 1000% if I go to church on Sunday, my entire week has a better feel to it. It is not that I feel guilty if I skip necessarily, but something about my whole demeanor is a little more optimistic and upbeat after hearing the Good Word.
I always hear and read about people not associating with people they once hung around after becoming sober. This doesn’t faze me. I know the people I care about and who care about me would in no way jeopardize my much-cherished sobriety. And if you would do that to someone…tempt them with the “Just one drink won’t hurt” or something to that effect, then you my friend, are anything but a friend. You are a self-centered ass-crack. I know I don’t have to worry about this because no one in my life is that cruel or ignorant.
If you think about it in a much more serious way, and this is how my rehab roomie had to think of it…Would you say to someone “Just try this needle this one time. One hit of heroin won’t kill you.” But yes, it can. And she knew that truth all too well. Without sharing her story as it is not my own to share, she knew the first time could be the last time. She found that out the hard way with a loved one.
And we don’t treat alcohol the same way. It’s legal. It’s everywhere. Gas stations. Grocery stores. Your home. The laundry mat. Diners. It is everywhere, but it is so normalized. And that is ok for a normal drinker. I am anything but a normal drinker and know that will never change. Nor do I ever plan on testing out any theories suggesting otherwise.
Pick and choose what’s the beer to your beef so to speak lol. What goes hand in hand? Hang around with people who lift you up and make you feel good, and reap those benefits? Put yourself in shitty situations, and you will get shitty results. Sorry for the bluntness, but that’s what it amounts to, really.
I can tell you right now that the smell coming from the crockpot tells me my beef will be just fine without the beer today. Thankfully, I can say the same for myself and my family on this beautiful, sunny day.