Borrowing Happiness

I got to thinking today (shocker, right?) We have all heard of borrowing trouble as in don’t stick your nose in other people’s business unless you really want to possibly get recruited to get involved. Borrowing trouble can mean worrying about things that don’t even exist or pose a real threat to you. It also means welcoming problems into your life when not necessary. Yuck. Who wants to get wrapped up in any of those things? The answer is: lots of people.

Whether willingly or unknowingly, or even out of the goodness of your heart-you may find yourself borrowing trouble. We have all done it at some point in our lives. Guilty. As. Charged. Asking someone about a complicated situation in their life? Well, sit on down and get comfy. You just opened yourself up to a very long-winded one-sided conversation that you may regret. Or maybe it is someone you really do want to hear from and have the time and love for them to open up and share. Regardless, borrowing trouble is something we have all done and most likely have learned is something best avoided.

I was thinking about just the opposite today. Borrowing happiness. I didn’t even know if this was a thing, but good old Dr. Google confirmed that it is. So, if it’s on the internet, it must be true (eye roll).

In all seriousness though, borrowing happiness basically boils down to (in my words, not Doc G) living through others (or actions) to achieve happiness, or in my case, turning to a substance to try to be a happier person. The first thing that comes to my mind is people living vicariously through their children. While we all want to see our kids or siblings or best friend or whatever succeed, I think it is dangerous to focus solely on that in life. Don’t egg my house or key my car or anything for saying that.

We want to help others (probably your children if you have any, but for others it could be a spouse, friend, person of importance in your life) be successful. But I think it is important to be a little selfish and make sure you are doing those things for yourself as well. Reminder: Eggs are pricey right now, so refrain from using them as ammo at me.

What I am saying is that if you live only for keeping those around you happy and boosting their self-confidence, then what do you do at the end of the day when they’ve accomplished those things? Like when kids leave for college or get married, parents are often left to think, “Ok, well what now?” I wouldn’t know (yet) but I would think that while it is most certainly a rewarding feeling to see them grow and fly the coop, do you feel a little lost or discombobulated?

Maybe I am talking out of my ass and know zilch. If so, I apologize. Proceed with your expensive egg attack or whatever.

The point of this was to say not to borrow happiness from anyone or anything. I thought I was borrowing it from alcohol. But with every drink, the bottom of that glass might as well read, “Nope, no happiness here. Proceed to the next drink. Maybe it’s there.” Of course, we all know how that ends. I thought drinking and letting loose and lightening the load of the day would buy me happiness. It did quite the opposite.

People buy things: cars, vacations, new homes, clothing, gadgets, whatever…and sometimes, just sometimes, it buys temporary happiness. Until the newness wears off. Then, on to the next purchase. I know so many people who have a full amazon cart (or wherever they shop) at all times. They may not buy all those things in the end, but they have spent time and energy searching for stuff. And that’s what it is in the end, stuff. I am not trying to make anyone feel bad by any means as I am guilty of this as well. It’s not the end of the world, just something to think about. Do those things make and keep you happy? I usually have buyer’s remorse before said item even arrives in the mail. But that’s just me, and again, maybe I am talking out of my ass.

I just think it is dangerous to borrow happiness. Be happy for others. But also, be happy for you. It is okay to celebrate your wins in life (no matter how big or small.) It could be that you refrained from gossiping when someone was very much “worthy” of being gossiped about. It could be that you chose to eat fruit over potato chips (although if you see me do this, check to make sure it is indeed me and not an imposter Lindsey sent from Planet Health-Nut).

Those are small wins. Bigger wins might look like standing up for yourself-keeping your sanity intact by saying ‘no’ to an extra shift at work. Or by asking for help when you need it-swallowing your pride a little and not tackling a task solo when you desperately could use some help. Something simple like assistance moving a couch or something bigger like admitting you have a problem with a substance like I did.

Don’t borrow happiness from others. Why on planet earth or any other planet for that matter, would you think you are not worthy of your own happiness? You are. Trust me, if a once hopeless alcoholic like me deserves happiness, you absolutely do, too. Welcome it in with open arms when you have the opportunity. Don’t just rely on borrowing it from others.