The Substitute Is Dead
Let me start with a spoiler alert. The sub, was indeed, not dead.
It was a usual morning in the life of Nurse Lindsey at an intermediate school nearby. The line of usual suspects. The one whose mom sent them directly to me upon departing the school bus to check their temperature. Only to disappoint the child that, no, they did not have a fever and would need to remain at school.
Followed by the kid with a bag of medication his mother told him to give me when he arrived at school. Thanks, mom. You handed your kid a bag of drugs and sent them on their way to 4th grade.
Then, there’s the hyperactive kid waiting for me to let me know mom forgot to give him his medication this morning, so I should expect to see him plopped in a desk in the hallway all day. Thanks for the heads-up, buddy. I will high five you when I walk by.
Followed by the hypochondriac teacher asking me to take his blood pressure yet again. For the third day in a row. Still normal. You’ll have to remain at work today.
This is in the first 5 minutes upon my arrival at work. It only gets “better” from here.
Frantic phone call comes from the hallway at the opposite end of the building from a hypervigilant teacher. “Come quick! The sub is dead!” I flip the sign to the nurse’s office to “Out of office. Go to the main office immediately if you are seriously injured or dying.”
Racing down the hallway, I find all the other teachers gathered in the hallway, waiting for me. Mr. blah blah is not responding. We think he’s dead. Me: “Where are the kids?” Blank stares. Me: “Well, get their asses out of the classroom for crying out loud.” Scrambling ensues.
Upon entering, I find the sub slumped over in a dangerous manner. Apparently, he had been reading to the classroom from one of those bar stool type chairs. You know the ones that sit up high so you everyone can see you? Well, someone help me get him down from there, or we are going to have a head injury if he’s not already left planet Earth.
He is clearly breathing and appears asleep. No smell of alcohol (as a heavy drinker myself at that time, this was my first suspicion). He is very lethargic, and his speech is unclear. Possible stroke? Given his age, most definitely something to consider. No facial drooping or visible weakness other than being super sleepy.
Upon asking what medication he had taken that morning; he lists nothing out of the ordinary. No pain medications or sleeping pills. Not from what I can tell with his garbled speech. Is he a diabetic? Blank stares? No one knows because that is private information. None of anyone’s business. Except mine who is now faced with the question of, “How serious is this?”
Emergency contact is called, and yes, he is in fact a diabetic. Later we would learn he did take his insulin but had not eaten. A big no, no. A quick trip to the ER just to make sure all is well with the world, and life resumes back to normal. Whatever that looks like in the life of a school RN.
People think the school RN doctors scraped knees and gives out cough drops. They do, indeed, do those things. But keep in mind that both young and old have real conditions that your sweet, school nurse deals with. Not to mention how many teeth I pulled in my career. I cannot tell you how many times I got weird looks from my husband when I emptied my pockets at the end of the day and found forgotten teeth in there.
I have crawled under bathroom stalls to rescue a child having an epileptic seizure. I have carried wheelchair bound students to the car when it is raining. I have protected children from the embarrassment of trusting a fart when they should not have done so. Girls and their periods…enough said.
Be kind to your school nurse. You have no idea how much they actually do. You may think they only give out magic crackers and cough drops, but there is so much more you don’t know. Today, thank a school nurse:) Or the school mom as I was sometimes known as.